A lot of the time I doubt myself and I often wonder if I am a little mad. Does anyone else do that? I think of all the crazy things that goes through my head, about my OCD personality and sometime I lose track of why I do certain things. Being ill and sedantary gives you a lot of time to think about your lifestyle and the choices you make in your life. The last few days I've been filled with doubt about my upcoming marathon and the real worry is that I wont run under 4 hours. There, I've said it out loud, or rather written it - but at least it out. I'm not worried about getting through the 26.2 miles, I'm worried about not hitting my target time. Being goal orientated and ambition is one thing, but losing focus on why you do certain things...now that's just sad. Forgetting the joy with running and being too pre-occupied with worrying about running a personal best is not on.
I do believe in discipline, dedication, determination and devotion. I think all four words are needed for a succesful marathon, but I also think it's important not to take over your life completely. Be focused, but don't let your self worth depend on your achievements. Don't lose track of why you do things or why you started. You're good enugh as you are, regardless of your acheievements. We're all a little broken and dented, like old antiquities, but that doesn't mean we're worth less. It's nothing wrong with being a little bit broken, both physically and mentally, so don't beat yourself up about it.
As I implied in the begining of my post I worry about being a bit, well, mad. Maybe I am...I definitely am OCD with many things in my life. That's why I need to take a deep breath and say: 'Hello, my name is Josefine and I'm a little bit broken - and that's ok.' Now I just need to convince myself that it's also ok not to run my upcoming marathon in under 4 hours, but let's take baby steps, shall we!?!
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